Grief is something that comes up a lot in the therapy room. Grief shows us what we love and care about, and what is important to us. Two common misconceptions surrounding grief are that we only feel it when someone dies and that it’s a linear or quick step-by-step process. Neither is completely true.
Someone once said that we grieve a lot of things that don’t die. Meaning – we grieve so much more than just death. Change brings loss and loss results in grief. Even “good” change might cause you to feel grief. You might notice it pop up when you graduate or get married – wonderful life events that bring tons of change. Or you might notice it when you move, take a new job, or end a relationship. Processing grief can be the bridge from where you are to where you want to be because grief shows us what is important to us. Making space for ALL the emotions that come with change lends to a more holistic experience and can help to prevent resentment or bitterness from popping up when the newness wears off and change inevitably becomes challenging.
The notion that there is anything quick or linear about grief is far from true. The Five Stages of Grief that you may have heard of is an incredible tool but was never meant to be a step-by-step checklist. In fact, I recently learned that it was written for the person who is dying themselves, not solely for those left behind. Grief is multilayered, ongoing, and often filled with many different emotions. You might feel it strongly one day and not at all the next. You may feel one emotion or a bunch of emotions at the same time. Being gentle and kind toward yourself is essential as you allow grief to show up however it needs to.
If a lot of this is new to you, you’re not alone! Grief is an emotion that isn’t talked about enough. Some books that discuss the grieving process are: Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner, Grief is Love by Marisa Renee Lee, and As Long as You Need by J.S. Park.
Have you experienced change, loss, or grief that needs to be cared for? At Kinship, our therapists would love to hold space and guide you through the process. Reach out today to find the right fit for you.