Have you ever found yourself resenting your friend? You said “yes” to going out only to have the time feel soured because you don’t really want to be there, but you just couldn’t say “no” because you felt too much pressure.
Maybe there have been emotional wounds in your life that continually happen, with a family member being the culprit.
This is where setting boundaries is desperately needed. I’ve (Alexandra) definitely been there, too. I have had to learn this in painful ways, especially with friendships.
Setting boundaries can be such a challenging thing to follow through on. Oftentimes, we tell ourselves, “I can’t say no to this” due to fear.
Maybe you fear that the other person will no longer like you.
Maybe you fear that they may judge you and think you are weak for not having a bigger capacity.
Maybe you fear that there will be repercussions and that they will have an over the top response to your boundary setting.
Maybe you fear that it is not “worth it” to set a boundary because that person won’t honor that boundary and it’s too much emotional turmoil and anxiety for you to experience.
There are a myriad of reasons that you may resist setting boundaries. Ultimately, setting boundaries and following through on those limits takes practice. And a lot of it!
I have had to tell myself that I am not in control of the other person’s response with whom I am setting that boundary. This releases some of the pressure that I feel and also gives me a lot of relief. Boundary setting may cause a severance of the relationship, which likely means that it was not healthy in the first place. Experiencing this is devastatingly difficult. On the other hand, the relationship may grow stronger and deeper. Experiencing this is powerful and redemptive.
Setting boundaries is not selfish. It may not feel this way, but establishing boundaries is for the benefit of the relationship. You are taking care of yourself and therefore, able to show up for that person in a healthier way.
Whether you are noticing a need for tackling physical, emotional, financial, or time boundary, establishing a relationship with a therapist can be the first step in learning how to set boundaries with the relationships in your life. Reach out today if you are in need of support in this area.